She’s Strong but She’s Exhausted

I spoke with this seventeen year old girl at around 11am on a Saturday morning. In this interaction, I am “Magic Desk” and she is “Posh Wasp”

*

She was immediately energetic and chatty and we connected on numerous levels. She told me that she would like to talk about two things that morning; the first of which she described as “petty”. I assured her that nothing is petty if it is truly affecting you emotionally; no matter anyone else’s view on it.

*

 

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 12.15.49

*

The initial problem: she had become good friends with a guy but she was worried that she was appearing too desperate/keen. Why? She went on to tell me that due to the free time she currently had she was always available. Whenever he wanted to speak, she was there. Whenever he wanted to hang out, she was there. I was confused. If they were just friends why should this matter….

*

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 12.38.05

*

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 12.51.10

*

She went on to tell me how she does not really believe in relationships; how even if she likes a guy, or sees potential,  she can stop herself from liking him. In particular, with this guy she described it as not being “practical” to like him. I asked why. She said they have too many conflicting beliefs. I was interested in her stubbornnes against relationships; against allowing herself to truly feel emotions for someone. Indeed, such behaviour often stems from something deeper; from past experiences either within your own relationships or witnessed relationships of others.

*

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 12.18.54

*

She was extremely self-aware. She recognised that her current feelings towards relationships are most likely due to the first relationship she witnessed, and the first relationship that many of us witness as infants: parents.

*

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 12.52.55

*

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 12.54.57

*

Her parents dysfunctional relationship shaped her views of love at any early stage; she does not want to be in the same position. She wants to protect her heart and her well-being. In addition to this, she had grown up witnessing a profound amount of dysfunction and abuse which, unsurprisingly, had a huge effect on her mental health. She disclosed to me that she was self-harming. She told me everything matter-of-factly; a stoic, strong young lady with a tumultuous past. She told me it was her release. Her release from the past or perhaps her release from her present feelings, most likely, influenced by the past.

*

I wanted to ensure that I had the full picture; I asked her how often she was self-harming and if anyone knew. I asked her what she could use as a diversion tactic; what she could do to distract or stop this journey down a path that would ultimately continue to hurt her. I could not leave without ensuring that she would tell me these techniques, that she would at least give me her word to try them and keep them in mind for the next time. She told me she likes to write to calm her mind or simply just tell herself not to do it; she spoke of her strong sense of will. Of course, I could not guarantee that she would do these things the next time she wanted to hurt herself but having such a conversation, I at least hoped would help to plant the seed in her mind. The seed of alternative methods to coping with the pain.

*

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 13.23.10

*

She spoke about her future and career goals with a passion and conviction that I could truly sense through her words. I encouraged her ambitions; we spoke about our common interests and she recommended a book to me.

*

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 13.53.38

*

Before she said goodbye, she sent me a quote which she felt truly connected to:

*

Screen Shot 2017-12-02 at 13.53.20

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

11 Comments Add yours

  1. Such an insightful, different post x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow, I really enjoyed reading this in a really weird way? Like I shouldn’t have enjoyed reading about someones pain? This is so different to what I usually read on blogs and I am digging it so much. That quote really resonates with me aswell, “she’s strong, but she’s exhausted”. SO powerful. Thank you for putting this out there!
    Alice Xx
    http://www.blacktulipbeauty.co.uk

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I’m glad you connected with it 💫

      Like

  3. glowsteady says:

    I really enjoyed this, in a way I’m not sure if you should find enjoyment when reading about someone’s problems but it was really interesting nonetheless. Very thought provoking x

    Sophie
    http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

    Like

    1. Haha I understand! She was very happy to share her story though and i know it would mean a lot that it’s connecting with people 😊

      Like

  4. hudapervez says:

    This was so interesting, I’ve never read a similar post to this, it’s so common to see people not get in to relationships or believe in love due to what they have previously seen in their own homes, hopefully she can overcome this conflict! Thanks for sharing! ☺️💕

    Like

    1. Thank you so much! And for sure, our upbringings really shape our perspectives and relationships later on

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ajay says:

    Wow. The way you convey someone else’s pain into your own writing is something special. I feel like I’ve learnt a life lesson when I read your stuff. I seriously look forward to what you write next! Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amazing – that means so much! I hope you continue to enjoy 🌺

      Liked by 1 person

  6. OlenaRosanne says:

    Wow this was interesting. I’ve never read a blog post like this before. First off, thank you for what you do. Secondly, the environment we are raised in definitely shapes us as adults. 3rd, I’m glad she was able to open up to you and I hope she takes your advice on what to do the next time she feels like self-harming.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Interesting! I really like this post! Shoot, the title itself was enough to reel me in because of how true it is or accurate for my life kind of lol

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s