Feelings Ruin Friendships

I spoke with this man on a Sunday afternoon. In this exchange, I am “Manageable Field” and he is “Keen Scarf”.

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I spoke with him generally at first to get to know him a little; he told me about himself and I explained to him the concept of my blog. He was very excited; emphasising that he loved psychology which, of course, is always wonderful to hear.

We then got into what it was that he wanted to talk to me about in that instance…

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He went on to tell me how this really hurt him as he did not know what he had technically done wrong. I did not have too much information to evaluate the situation at this point, so I had to ask more questions regarding the nature of their friendship…

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Okay, so they were just friends and she suddenly stopped talking to him yet he had no idea. Now, I’m not a mind-reader so I was pretty stuck at this point in terms of figuring out what had transpired. Luckily, there was more to the story…

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So, my instincts were right. The girl had feelings for him but they were not reciprocated. Of course, this must have made it hard for her especially as they were talking so much. It is perhaps unsurprising that she withdrew from the situation. Most likely to try and placate her feelings towards him.

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He went on to tell me that he felt guilty; he felt as though he had truly hurt her. I was confused as to why he felt like he was the one in the wrong especially since she was the one who initiated the no-contact without giving him an excuse until now. His heart was truly pure and he was worried about his friend. Despite her lack of communication with him.

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Whilst I try to abstain from telling people what to do (I prefer to help guide them to their own resolutions), I had to just speak freely for a second and tell him my exact thoughts on the situation. I didn’t want him to keep feeling like this; to keep blaming himself for something that was completely out of his control.

Too many of us do this. Honestly. How many of you think about everyone, and anything,  else before protecting your own feelings, before protecting your own wellbeing. Whilst we don’t have to be cruel or mean, it’s important to look after ourselves as well and do what’s best for us.

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I asked him to truly be honest with himself in regards to what he wants. To not lie to himself. Does he want to continue this friendship with her?

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I encouraged him to distract himself; to do what he actually enjoys, to do things that make him happy.

 

 

 

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Ja'd Kurumi says:

    I was once that girl and instead of getting my own feelings hurt, I hurt my friends feelings because he didn’t know why I withdrew myself from the great friendship we had.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s a tough situation to be in for sure..as hard as it is, communication is always key!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I find writing soothing to write and helps with my anxiety. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ajay says:

    Great read. Glad I’m following your blog. Situations like these are always sticky!!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much! ✨

      Like

  4. TyTwo says:

    I’m loving the blog so far. I would actually love to have a conversation with you. Really interesting perspective

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That means a lot, thank you so much! ✨

      Like

      1. TyTwo says:

        You’re welcome. You’re helping a lot of people.

        Like

  5. josephinegrant says:

    Wonderful post and wonderfully articulated. I have been in this position before; confused, hurt and concerned when an old friend initiated no-contact without
    reason. With the benefit of hindsight, I realised, much like what you wrote, that the situation helped me learn to protect my own feelings. Thank you for sharing x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I’m glad you were able to navigate what could potentially be a very tricky situation! 💞

      Like

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